My FIVE weaknesses in LOVE

Traumatized! Maybe yes or Maybe no! But I think my answer is YES! One experience does bring huge impacts on me. Sometime I'm scared and become timid when it come to love. And now..

• I have no confident how to start or having a conversation to a man I'm crushed on. I'm afraid he would know my attention.

• I'm not too easy to fall for sweet and cheesy words from man again. It just to play a girl's heart. That's what I called playboy.  

• I don't show to much care and love towards man I crushed. I'm afraid he going to avoid seeing, hanging or talk to me then. That's scared the most.

• I will never ever ever confess my feeling. It such a shame. I will never do the same things again. A big no no for it. That is the first and last from me. Now I just leave it to God. If there's a God's will, he will know what I feel for him.

• If I know there is another girl who have the same attention as I am for him, I rather quit and giving her a chance. Not because I'm a weak competitor. Taking caution for not having the same result as I get previously. Since the incident, I never wanting to act like it. How painful it is to know my competitor would having the man I love in the end.

2010 once again!!

While I'm doing my assignment, my mind off to somewhere else, to the bad memory-land ever for me; 2010!! I HATE 2010!! My miserable year. It bring a lot of suffer, emotional and regrettable feeling. In a year alone, I have too many unexpected trails and challenges. My studies, friendship, ex-admire man (now, no more) and college.

• My study getting from good to bad last year. Its started when I get into my second year. I don't really know what happen to me. It's like I'm letting myself to be a useless person. Everything seems no care, just numb. I have no concern especially my Midterm. I just focus on my assignment and Final Exam. And the result now; I have 4 repeat papers!! So frustrating and regretting for me. That's why I can't have my graduation this year. So sad!! How I wish I could turn back time and fix everything right. 

•  My friendship also having a difficulties. I hope for the best in it because friends never leave their friend alone. 

• About this one; ex-admire man! old story to be told but he also part of my life last year so I have to put him in the list. I still remember I confess my feeling to him before Valentine but he rejected me. From stranger to friend and now we are totally an alien. Why do I called both of us alien?? Cause every time we meet in Unimas, we didn't say "hello" or smile. Both of us not able to see faces again. Ever! What an alien right??haha! *Hope he and his girl have a great relationship till last breath. I pray for them*

• Oh, you know how it feel to be thrown out like a rubbish. Yes! My college kick me out cause I have not enough cops. Now I'm live outside Unimas. Anyway, I love staying here in Desa Ilmu. I'm feeling free. No college activities and no rules.

Huge earthquake hit JAPAN

The worst tragedy happens  for the second time, shocking a silent world once again after 2004; TSUNAMI! Oh my!! On March 11, 2011 at 2.56 p.m. , Japan was struck by a magnitude 8.9 earthquake off its northeastern coast Friday. Unleashing a 13-foot (4-meter) tsunami that washed away cars and tore away buildings along the coast near the epicenter. There were reports of injuries in Tokyo. Fragmentary early reports of the toll indicate that hundreds of people have been killed. Japanese police officials told the Associated Press that 200 to 300 bodies were found in Sendai, a port city in the northeastern part of the country and the closest main city to the epicenter. 

It's scary how natural disasters are beyond our control. My heart is breaking with every image I see. So sad! Strongest prayers go out so that no more harm be done there and elsewhere. My prayers and love are with all of those in Japan. Let us lift a prayer for Japan as the night covers their nation in darkness. Let our prayers be their light. Lord, may we forever stay protected within your hands of protection regardless of size the tsunami may be. Amen!

Ash Wednesday!

Just want to share about the meaning of Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Season of Lent. It is a season of penance, reflection and fasting which prepares us for Christ's Resurrection on Easter Sunday, through which we attain redemption.

During Ash Wednesday's mass, our foreheads are marked with ashes. It is to humble our hearts and remind us that life passes away on Earth. In the bible it had said "Remember, Man is dust and unto dust you shall return." I remember my mom always tell us that we need to know where we came from every year on the night of Ash Wednesday. That's why the ceremony is important to attend by Christians (Catholics, Anglican and Methodist). Why do we receive ashes?? It is because ashes are a symbol of penance made sacramental by the blessing of the Church. They help us develop a spirit of humility and sacrifice. 

The ashes are made from the blessed palms used in the Palm Sunday celebration of the previous year. The ashes are blessed with Holy Water and are scented by exposure to incense. While the ashes symbolize penance and contrition, they are also a reminder that God is gracious and merciful to those who call on Him with repentant hearts. His Divine mercy is of utmost importance during the season of Lent.

It's 3.20 a.m. now means yesterday is Ash Wednesday. I'm a bit of regret because of not attending the evening mass. My obvious obstacle is not having a transportation. I know it's nonsense cause I can get a help from friends. But sadly, I'm not  taking any action. I just having myself a prayer in my room without get marked with ashes. I feel so bad and really really sad. Anyway, It had happened and I have to put my regretting aside. So, today is the first day of Lent. I need to start my fasting today onwards until Easter come. The main point of fasting; must win against temptation!! During fasting, usually I take bread and water for breakfast. No food allow for me in the afternoon, only water by my side. While at night, I have my heavy meal but I reduce the quantity taken. Fasting doesn't means that you do not eat or drink at all. Besides food, you  can reduce the activities or things that are your favorite. Make something different during Lent season. Something that you seldom done before in your everyday life.  For example, like me, I always wanting to drop by on my facebook, twitter and blog everyday. Now, I need to reduce it.  Make it twice in a week. Hope I can make it and be resistance. Most important in fasting is our sincerity on doing it. Never ever force ourselves!!

This quote, ♥ it!

"The best relationship is when you two can act like lovers and best friends." 

• It’s when you have more playful moments than serious moments. 

• It’s when you can joke around, let each other have piggy backs, have unexpected hugs and random kisses. 

• It’s when you two give each other that specific stare and just smile. 

• It’s when you’ll rather stay in to watch movies, eat junk food and cuddle, than go out all the time. 

• It’s when you’ll stay up all night just to settle your arguments and problems. 

• It’s when you can completely act yourself and they can still love you for who you are.  

Source: eschiavon

Your happiness is my pleasure

What a surprised when I knew about it. Never be told. Never be plan. And most of all, never ever be expected by me. *Clap*Clap*

J’s members do not have any idea on what I’m bubbling about since last week. The King and Queen, Oh my! I always keep on ruin everything.  All I need to do is zipping my mouth till she speaks it out this JUNE. But, I can’t wait no more. What a bliss news she got for us this year = ENGAGEMENT PLANING!! My eldest sister, EileenLJ are now planning to have her engagement this year. If there's a God's will, probably she going to be Douglas fiancee on December 2011. Yup! Douglas is my future brother-in-law to be. And you know what; he is a son of my Secondary School Teacher. What a coincident!! 

This news brings me a double triple joy! The reasons are; 

1)        She finally goes back to Sarawak permanently.

2)        She will marry a guy that has the same religion, Christian.

3)        I become the bridesmaid. *Yes, I’m eager and excited to be her maid of honor. I already tell her to book it just for me*

I’m so happy for her that I couldn’t resist myself. Now, I can't sleep. Haha! Too much of excitement. Hopefully both of you can make it! Amen!

I pray for you! I pray for your happiness sista!

I want a Long Curly Orang-ee Hair!

I want to style my hair just like her but not too much of accessories!

Focus. Focus. Focus.

*Sigh*Sigh*

And I'm saying, "Can't take my eyes on my lappy!! 24-7 with it is my paradise. I'm dying without it. OH MY BLUE LAPPY!!" 

OMGOSH! OMGEE! I need someone who can slap me on the face. Telling me that I have my Midterm Exam this FRIDAY. Remember, it's 30%!!

BernadetteCJ! stop facebook-ing, Tweet-ing, Tumblr-ing, SKYP-ing, YM-ing and OF COURSE Blog-ing. Give yourselves a break off!! Only for 2 days. Come on!! Start revising your notes especially Madam Jamliah's part. Its a bit tough!!

.Focus. Focus. Focus.

3 words; I'm touch!

Hello March

 Welcoming March means?? I'm nervous!

2 months left before this semester end. That's mean I need 1 more month to rush up all my FYP work. Time flies so fast and there is too little time given. I heard that I need to submit my FYP draft report on April 4, 2011. 

So, Wake Up!!! Dreaming no more..